Episode 41: Chris – Part 1

In Part 1 of Episode 41 Chris talks about his “arrived moment,” selling drugs to people and have them look up to him as he navigated from group to group. Starting with marijuana and then transitioning to prescription pills, Chris eventually became a heavy pill user who had easy access to it — stealing his mother’s OxyContin.

Chris will never forget the most traumatic moment in his life when he was taken from school and put into a foster care home due to his mother not having the capacity to take care of him. A coping skill that he learned in foster care was to lean on other people because his mother and father were out of the picture. Ultimately his grandmother gained custody and shortly after Chris began to run amuck.

Growing up Chris began to associate himself with a group of people who all shared a common bond of not really fitting in. Chris likes to say that the first thing he was addicted to was a sensory addiction. He liked to destroy things. By the time he was in 9th grade Chris began selling marijuana. Kicked out of school, Chris was put into a continuation school where he began to abuse pills.

Chris idealized the crew life. At a certain point growing up he felt that going to prison would be a good thing as it could turn him into a man.  The idea was shook out of him by a friend who took Chris under his wing.  The two began selling drugs as Chris was able to secure 3,000 pills of Xanax and Valium per week.  One morning Chris got a call and found out that his friend had passed away. Chris recalls attending the funeral where everyone was blaming him for the death. Even though he found out that his friend had a preexisting heart condition Chris still blamed himself.

After the funeral the only thing Chris could do was drink. He had never broken down like that ever in his life. He began selling pills again as it was his only source of income and the only thing he knew. Once he got back to selling drugs he began the cycle of abusing pills which graduated into doing heroin.  This cycle would lead to a series of events that would culminate in an unfortunate accident.

Podcast contains mature language and situations 

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