Those of us who drink alcoholically are well aware of the dishonesty that it takes to maintain an alcoholic lifestyle. We begin by lying to ourselves;
-I’ll just have one
-I’ll stop at eleven
-I won’t drive
-I won’t drive drunk
-I won’t drive too drunk
From there the lying not only gets easier, it becomes habitual. We start to lie to the people we care about. It begins innocently enough; nobody wants to let people down, and nobody is better at letting people down than an active alcoholic. The lies roll off our tongues with ease;
-I haven’t been drinking much, I’m just tired
-I only had one
-Just a few
-Somebody must have hit my car when it was parked
-I don’t know where the money goes
Honesty is a quality that most people admire in others. Without it, we cannot trust. Without trust, we cannot love. Without love, we cannot live the life we dream of. Very few alcoholics live an honest life. The few that do, do so by themselves. Without other people in their lives, it is easy to never have to lie, but why bother? What good is it to live without knowing the joy, comfort and companionship that comes from people other than ourselves?
Without credibility, there is no honor. Without honesty, there can be no credibility.
Without lying, we cannot drink the way we need to. Without drinking the way we need to, we do not need to lie. When we do not need to lie, we don’t. When we don’t lie, self-respect comes back, trust is rebuilt and credibility returns.
Inside the mind of the active alcoholic there is no peace. There is no comfort. There is no hope. We know that our behavior is killing us, but simply cannot stop. We exist is a perpetual state of betrayal. We have a secret, and think that nobody can ever know just how miserable that little secret makes us.
Well, I have a little secret of my own;
I am an inactive alcoholic.
Being a firefighter I pride myself on having the ability and training to rescue others. I wasted a lot of time forgetting that the skills I had acquired could be used to rescue myself;
-there is strength in numbers
-use the available tools to get the job done
-honesty is the best policy
-there are people in this world worthy of rescue
-I am one of those people
If you have to lie about your drinking habits, it is time to start thinking your way out. Thinking about it honestly will inevitably lead to sharing those thoughts, and then the healing can begin.