Far From Finished: Esther
Episode 54 : Esther
Esther started drinking as a coping strategy when she was 20. She didn’t grow up very happy in her skin. She never felt like she belonged where she lived. Alcohol made her feel more confident, and it gave her that feeling of being a bit more comfortable in who she was. When she was 20, life took a big downturn and ripped her apart to the point that her soul ached. It was then that she turned to drinking and drugs as a way to escape from everything that was going on in her head.
Esther didn’t know how to be with other people unless she was drunk. She didn’t know how to be with herself unless she was drunk. Her drinking escalated over time as she spiraled down into deep self-loathing which then created a behavior that only exacerbated those destructive feelings. She always managed to create huge drama around herself which she believes was now part of a subconscious desire to create reasons to drink.
2013 was a real watershed year for Esther. Her mental health was crumbling with every day that passed. It was when she listened to a song (Queens of the Stone Age’s “I Appear Missing”) that her moment of realization came. This song about feeling completely lost and unable to connect with the world hit her on a very personal level. She was a mother of two, she knew she had to do something besides just sit at home and drink. Esther had always wanted to be a yoga teacher for years. Her recovery started the day she trained to be a yoga teacher.
One of the things that Esther is most proud of since becoming sober is that its unleashed the writer in her. She finds it incredibly therapeutic. She loves that people actually take some value from her experience and that she’s able to show people that it is possible to have a better , happier life. She loves the idea that she’s giving hope to people.