In Episode 86 (Pt. 1) of Far from Finished, Jordan talks about the feelings he had of being lost, even at meetings. He knew that the excessive drinking and drugs were a problem, but had no idea he was sick – physically, mentally, and spiritually. As bad as Jordan’s external circumstances got, it was never enough to throw him into sobriety.
When Jordan looks back on life before addiction, he realizes there was not one huge event that led him into addiction. He was just a kid longing for a stable household while living out of bags and blankets. He had too much freedom and did whatever his friends did in order to feel accepted. On a daily basis, Jordan could be found carrying out his so called ‘rituals’ – rolling up weed, cutting up cocaine, and mixing whiskey. It was completely normal to him. However, this behavior turned destructive when he began robbing houses, getting into car wrecks, and making decisions that hurt his family.
In the midst of it all, Jordan knew he had a problem. He describes the first meeting he went to, breaking down in tears while telling strangers how often he drank. Despite this breakthrough he continued down that path for years, describing himself like a pinball – so asleep and unconscious to what he was doing.