If your spouse is battling addiction, you may have already tried to enforce treatment. However, this process is not easy, and he or she may be resistant and experience several relapses in the journey toward clean and sober living.
It’s essential that you try and draw the line between supportive behavior and enabling behavior. While establishing boundaries is a hard thing to do, sometimes it’s the only thing to do. Making excuses for harmful, abusive or dangerous behavior can send the message that you’re complacent with your partner’s drug dependency. Only by putting a stop to this can you fully help that person reach rock bottom and try to build themselves back up again.
Don’t engage when he or she is still drunk.
Don’t bring too harsh of judgement into the conversation.
Do speak calmly and honestly. Begin the conversation with something like, “Wait, just hear me out.” “Please just listen. This is hard to say and I need to get it out.” Continue with, “You really scared me last night” or, “It really hurts me when you act like that. You’re not a nice person when you drink.” Or, “I can’t live like this. I miss the person I married. What can we do?”
Don’t list previous incidents, but simply state something like, “This isn’t the first time.”
Don’t rush an action plan, just focus on being heard.
Do seek out support groups like Al-Anon, which provide help and guidance to family members with addicted loved ones. Therapists who counsel families of addicts work with the goal of improving the family dynamic and the lives of each individual member. Through support, family members learn how to speak up for themselves, how to avoid enabling and how to live better despite the addiction.
 Psychology Today