The Gottman Method: Techniques, Benefits, and Treatment Program

What is the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is an approach to couples’ therapy that is used by mental health providers as well as life coaches, clergy members, and other professionals.² This approach was created by John and Julie Gottman, a married couple who work as marriage and family therapists and have more than 40 years of clinical and research experience insight into human relationships.³

According to the Gottmans, struggling to resolve conflict is the main reason why couples seek help in therapy. By learning the concepts of the Gottman Method and applying them to their daily life, patients will be able to de-escalate conflict and foster greater connection in their relationship.²

In a substance use treatment setting, one or both partners may be experiencing a higher level of conflict due to the impact of misusing drugs or alcohol or the stress of undergoing addiction treatment overall. The Gottman Method helps these couples learn how to communicate clearly and empathetically. While some conflicts may be “perpetual,” or unable to be solved completely, the Gottman Method can teach couples how to talk through them in the present situation.²

Techniques of Gottman Method

A foundational concept in the Gottman Method is the Sound Relationship House. This framework asks couples to think of their relationship as their home, with each floor representing a task or skill to develop. As the patients develop each skill, the couple will climb the floors of the house, eventually arriving at the top.⁴

The Sound Relationship House involves 7 floors and 2 supporting walls. The 7 floors are:⁴

1. Building love maps. The “ground floor” in this model is what the Gottmans call “building love maps,” or having a sound understanding of your partner’s inner world, including their likes and dislikes and their background and upbringing.
2. Sharing fondness and admiration. The second floor teaches couples how to share the things they appreciate about each other, big or small.
3. Turning towards. In learning to respond to what the Gottmans call “bids for attention” from your partner, you create a safe environment to express what you think and feel.
4. Taking a positive perspective. On this floor, partners practice seeing the best in each other and giving the benefit of the doubt to create a feeling of teamwork in navigating conflict.
5. Managing conflict. The fifth floor reminds you that you cannot always avoid conflict and teaches you how to take your partner’s feelings into account when resolving it. Managing conflict also means learning how to talk about problems productively, whether they are perpetual or solvable, and implementing strategies to stay calm when things get heated.
6. Making life dreams come true. This floor teaches you how to create a plan to help each other live your best lives possible by working towards your goals together.
7. Creating shared meaning. Having reached the top floor, you are now encouraged to develop your inner world as a couple through rituals of connection, or things that are unique to your relationship.

Developing these 7 floors is a crucial part of the Gottman method. However, the floors will crumble without the 2 pillars—or supporting walls— of trust and commitment. The couple must have faith in each other and commit to staying together.⁴

The Gottman Method views substance use as an “unwanted guest” to the Sound Relationship House, which can cause disruption over time and erode its foundation if left unaddressed.⁵ By learning and implementing these skills and concepts into the relationship, couples will rebuild and repair the damage left by this uninvited guest.

What are the 3 Primary Areas of Focus in the Gottman Method Therapy?

The Gottman Method focuses on improving 3 main areas of intimate relationships:²

1. Friendship.
2. Conflict management.
3. Creation of shared meaning. 

Patients improve these areas by learning to recognize harmful communication patterns and replace them with positive interactions, deepening intimacy and connection in the process. The Gottman Method highly emphasizes the importance of maintaining this connection in resolving conflict and strengthening the relationship bond.²

Benefits of the Gottman Method

Couples that go into therapy together can benefit from the Gottman method in many ways. This can include:²

• Less conflict and arguments.
• Improved communication.
• Closing emotional distance in the relationship.
• Addressing specific problems like sexual troubles, cheating, finances, and parenting.

Couples of all types, ethnicities, and sexual orientations can benefit from the Gottman method.

The Gottman Method for Couples with Substance Use

For couples where one or both partners are struggling with addiction, issues that many couples struggle with,² like arguing, poor communication, or emotional distance are often heightened. In these situations, there may be a focus on not only conflict management but also the difference between codependency and interdependency, setting healthy boundaries in the relationship, and exploring what recovery looks like in a relationship context as well as individually.⁶

Using the “uninvited guest” metaphor, the Gottman Method believes that couples need to be aware that the guest may return in the future and secure their foundation and walls to prevent it from intruding further.⁵

What to Expect With the Gottman Method

Gottman Method couples’ therapy always starts with a joint session between you, your partner, and a therapist.² The purpose of this session is to conduct an assessment to identify strengths and weaknesses and develop a framework for future sessions.

From there, Gottman Method therapists typically schedule 1 individual session with each partner as a follow-up, providing a safe space to discuss concerns with the therapist in private.²

The length of time you are in therapy is agreed upon between the couple and the therapist at the start of treatment, as well as how often you would like to schedule appointments. You may also be asked to complete questionnaires before starting therapy to provide more information about your situation. The therapist might assign homework between sessions and provide detailed feedback on what you have completed.²

Treatment Centers that Use the Gottman Method

If you or your partner are seeking addiction treatment through the Gottman Method or other couples rehab treatment options, American Addiction Centers (AAC) offers options that may be right for you. Our Desert Hope and Oxford Treatment Centers both offer Gottman Method couples’ therapy onsite.

To learn more about AAC and our facilities or to verify your insurance coverage, reach out to our admissions navigator team today at . Our team is available 24/7 for free, private phone consultations and can answer all your questions, helping you prepare to take this next step in your recovery journey.