How to Talk to Your Kids About Drugs, Addiction, and Rehab

Despite common misconceptions, children are usually aware that something’s not right when they have a parent or caregiver in the home who misuses substances. That’s why it’s never a good idea to cover it up or lie about it. Instead, help them understand that a loved one’s substance use is not their fault or something they can control or cure.^2,3 Talking about addiction and rehab might not be easy, but it can be a crucial step in reducing anxiety and helping a child feel safe and comfortable.¹

How to Talk to Your Kids About Drugs, Alcohol, Addiction, and Rehab

Sometimes, adults think kids don’t know there’s a problem or won’t notice as long as they pretend everything is OK. However, children are more perceptive than you think. While they might not yet have the vocabulary or capacity to talk about their feelings in the same ways that adults do, they can show their distress in other ways, such as behavioral changes that indicate they know something isn’t quite right.⁴

Avoiding the issue can leave kids feeling confused and worried and teach them that you don’t talk about problems or distressing feelings.⁴ It’s important to share age-appropriate information with them so they don’t fill in the gaps with their own potentially incorrect assumptions. The primary focus should be open and honest communication so kids feel comfortable asking questions.¹

How to Start the Conversation About Drugs, Alcohol, Addiction, and Rehab with Kids

You may want to protect your child from difficult subjects such as drugs, alcohol or addiction or and rehab, but talking about it in a developmentally appropriate and honest way sets the stage for healthier communication and relationships now and in the future, too.⁴

While it may not be easy to talk to your kids about a loved one’s drug or alcohol misuse, addiction, or going to rehab, the following tips might provide some ideas on how to approach these topics:^5-7

• Educate yourself about addiction, rehab, and the recovery process.
• Talk to mental health or addiction professionals, such as a counselor, psychologist, or social worker, about specific concerns you may have about talking to your child.
• Make a list beforehand of the important points you want to cover.
• Select a time and quiet place where you’ll be undisturbed.
• Provide age-appropriate information and use terms that they can understand.
• Be honest, open, and calm throughout the conversation.
• Ask open-ended questions (i.e. those that cannot be answered with “yes” or “no,” such as “How do you feel about what we’re talking about?”)
• Encourage them to ask questions and answer them as best as you can.
• Dispel myths the child might believe about their loved one’s addiction, such as the idea that their loved one’s substance use is their fault.
• Let them know that you love and care for them and that they can always come to you if they feel confused or have additional questions at any time.

Terms and Definitions

You wouldn’t define addiction the same way for an adult as you would for a child. Certain terms might be more challenging for kids to grasp. Here’s a list of a few substance-related keywords and kid-friendly definitions for each:

Addiction. This is a brain disease that causes people to become very sick and makes it hard for them to stop using drugs or alcohol without help.^3,4 People who have an addiction do things that they can’t control, but they don’t do it on purpose.⁸ They might not seem like themselves when they are using drugs or alcohol, but they’re still the same person underneath.^3,8

Rehab. This is a way for people with an addiction to get help. Rehab is also called treatment and it can help people stop using drugs or alcohol.⁸

Recovery. This means that people who have used drugs or alcohol have stopped using them and can start living healthier lives.³

Give Them the Facts

As was previously mentioned, kids may fill in the gaps when they aren’t given all the info. Therefore, some points should be emphasized when you talk to kids about a loved one’s addiction. These include the following:

• Addiction is a disease, but it’s not something like a cold that you can catch from another person. Not everyone who drinks alcohol or uses drugs becomes addicted to them.⁴ 
• You didn’t cause the problem and you can’t make it go away. There isn’t anything you need to or should do about it. It’s up to the adult to decide that they need help so they can get the treatment they need.⁴
• You are not alone. It can seem hard sometimes, but we’re all in this together, meaning we’re all impacted by addiction, and we’re here for each other.⁸
• It’s good for you to talk about the problem, especially when you feel worried or upset. You can talk to me or another adult you trust, like your teacher or a counselor.⁸

Reasons to Talk to Your Kids About Drugs, Alcohol, Addiction, and Rehab

As previously mentioned, denying that there is a problem can do harm, resulting in the child feeling fearful, unsafe, and uncertain. Additionally, ignoring substance misuse and addiction in the family can cause a child to feel that relationships–and life in general–are unpredictable and inconsistent.⁴

Furthermore, a loved one’s addiction may already be impacting kids in various unhealthy ways, which can look different depending on their developmental stage.⁴ For example, younger children might become withdrawn or insecure or start acting out. Older children, on the other hand, might develop parent-like qualities, such as feeling that it’s up to them to take care of the family. 

When you talk about addiction, you help kids address their concerns, reduce feelings of secrecy and distrust, and help them cope in healthier ways.⁴

What Age Should You Talk to Your Kids About Drugs, Alcohol, Addiction, and Rehab?

You should talk to your child about drugs, alcohol, addiction, and rehab when drugs, alcohol, and addiction are present in their lives, regardless of their age. That being said, it needs to be done in an age-appropriate way.^4,9

For preschool-aged children (3-6 years): Keep things simple. You can invite the child to draw or color while you have the discussion so they don’t feel overwhelmed. Stick to basic concepts like, “Drugs and alcohol can make people really sick and feel bad, but it’s not your fault, and they can get help to feel better.”⁴

School-aged children (6-11 years): Find a safe, comfortable place to talk. Let them know that addiction is a sickness but treatment can help a parent or other loved one stop using drugs and alcohol and get better. Kids in this age group may experience anxiety about the situation, so be sure to emphasize that they did nothing to cause the problem, nor is it up to them to make their loved one better. Explain that their loved one has to want to get help.⁴

Older children (12-17 years): You can start the conversation by asking them what they’ve observed or know about their loved one’s substance use. During the discussion, you should be as transparent and honest as possible, as kids this age can understand more and will likely have more questions.⁹

Children of any age might wonder if they will have a problem when they grow up. If this is the case, you can:^9,10

• Reassure them that not every person develops an addiction if they use a substance. However, using any substance in large quantities and over time can increase the risk of developing an addiction to a substance.¹⁰
• Be honest and let them know that addiction can run in families, but it’s not a guarantee that they will develop a problem.^7,10
• Emphasize that they can make different choices, such as avoiding recreational substance use altogether or being cautious when it comes to alcohol use.¹⁰

Potential Questions and Answers

Below are some common questions that kids might have about addiction. If they ask a question that you can’t answer, tell them you don’t know the answer but you’ll try to find it.⁴

How does addiction start? Sometimes using drugs or alcohol can make people feel good at first, but some people can’t stop and they drink more or use more drugs, which can lead to an addiction.¹⁰

If addiction is a disease, why can’t someone go to the doctor and get medicine to fix it? Often, people with an addiction don’t know that they are sick, so they don’t go to the doctor to get help. Or they may recognize that their drug or alcohol use has become a problem but they might not want to admit it. Or they know it’s a problem but blame other things for it, such as stress or sadness.³

Why do some people become addicted and others don’t? Experts don’t always know why addiction happens to some people and not others. Things that are called risk factors can play a role in the development of an addiction. What’s a risk factor? Risk factors are things that make addiction more likely. Risk factors may include a family history–meaning someone else like their mom or dad also had an addiction, for instance. Risk factors can also include stressful events from their childhood. The more risk factors someone has, the higher the chance that they’ll develop an addiction.¹¹

Can you get rid of an addiction? You can’t force someone to stop using drugs or alcohol, and most people can’t just stop on their own. To get better, they need help from a program that specializes in drug and alcohol addiction treatment.³

Additional Resources for Parents

If your loved one struggles with addiction, AAC can help you get them the help they need. AAC operates treatment centers throughout the country—each one offering evidence-based treatment and family therapy. Call to connect with an admissions navigator, who can answer your questions, explain your options, and even verify your loved one’s insurance.